I’ve learned, during our trying to conceive process, that the calendar becomes mute. In fact, I now often confuse what the date is accidentally using the cycle date instead.
Life becomes a series of hopeful days leading up to cycle day 28, then a test that drains a bit of hope and then the evidence of Eve’s Sin (to be polite) and we’re back to cycle day one. Hearts heavy and sad.
It’s a paradox though, the disappointment that your period brings, meaning the end of hope for that month, is also the day that could become the “last menstral period” kicking off a pregnancy. Now, to regain my hope, I type the date in a little online pregnancy due date calculator and begin to dream about the possibility of a new due date for this month.
Sometimes when I need to feel hope, I pull the pregnancy calendar up and I look at what could be pregnancy milestone dates: the 8 week mark (where I’d have my first ultrasound) or the 16 week mark that would hopefully end my fear of another miscarriage.
Surely I’m not the only hopeful mother doing this, right?